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mother: is it a boy or a girl?
doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor
wow the date today is the same if you read it backwards 4/16/14.. this wont happen again for another 5,000 years..
this happens again tomorrow
nobody asked you
I was sitting on my friends bed with her when she came out as gay
and I was looking through a Chinese food pamphlet
so I put it down, looked at her and said “I was going to suggest ordering food but I see now you’d prefer to eat out”
and I don’t think she’s ever really forgave me
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